Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
