You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
