Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
