My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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