areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
