I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
