you guys were way drunker than both of me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
