oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
