Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
vagina is talking i cant
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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