Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
