Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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