I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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