Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
