glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
