I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
