What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
