Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
