literally had 100 drinks last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
sex in a hospital.. check
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
