I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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