dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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