I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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