I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
