remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
