Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
