Michael Bay diarrhea
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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