I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
