i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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