people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
