taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
there is glitter all over my balls
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
