I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
