So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
