Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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