i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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