the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
