found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
