THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
