went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
