Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
