i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We had to coat check the pizza.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
