chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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