pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
