Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
