dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
