She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
