sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
