he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
