Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
