So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
