Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
