4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
